Just a few clips of the people I love, that seem to be growing far too quickly for my taste1/19/2015
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I wouldn't classify myself as a pessimist...I try very hard to remain optimistic in all situations...however, that's not to say that it is a conscious effort on some days. I mean...really...you can only clean up so many messes, so much laundry, and have so many kinks tossed into your day...right? So, the theory that the "glass is always full" is one I want to keep...but, it isn't one that comes 100% naturally to me if I want to be honest with you. This morning I had a mega kink tossed into my day...I learned that I would be juggling much more than I thought I would at one point...and on my own...first instinct...call in for reinforcement...once I discovered my reinforcement couldn't reinforce today...well, this is where I buck up and just make it work. After all, that's what us mom's are all about...isn't it? Key's to optimism or help in remembering that the glass is always half full: 1. God has timing...trust it. It's not easy...we always want to be in control, and know exactly how things will pan out. But, as long as we are following in His light...and our eyes are fixed upon Him...He will step in...and He will have a hand in our situation. God's got this. 2. Prayer. I believe in it, I need it, I do it, ALL OF THE TIME. Give it to God. Keep pressing forward and just give the worry over to God...He will work it all out for us...He will carry our burden and our worry. But, our task is to remain faithful and in the light. 3. Smile. Alright, silly I know. I'm not saying "grin and bear it." I am just saying that when all else fails or when you really aren't sure what to do...smile...laugh in the midst of those "kinks" tossed in the day and realize that today might not be perfect, but, it's a day...and in the whirlwind of those kinks....you might grow as a person...and adventure...new things are ahead. 4. Laugh...especially at yourself. As I said, today I'll be juggling more than I know I can handle..but, I'll work it out...and if I don't...well...then it'll be the sight to see...and maybe I just need to laugh about it. I think it's a magical thing when we can laugh at ourselves...I really do. After all....it's not a matter of life or death today...it's a matter of, well, just juggling too much...and maybe if some of the things fall then today it'll have to be ok...and I'll greet those falling things with a smile :-) Have a wonderful day! Perfectionism is in my blood...it's very deeply ingrained in my DNA...and it was what made me tick for so very long. I just had to be perfect...at everything...I had to talk perfectly...my manners had to be perfect...I had to understand everything...I just couldn't mess up...my appearance had to be perfect...EVERYTHING HAD TO BE PERFECT!! And, in the process of making myself perfect I fell to the comparison trials...so and so is perfect...so and so is better at this...so and so can do this or that...why can't I??!!! I think as women we struggle with this a bit...don't you? For us it comes in the form of social media, journalism, magazines, TV shows...diet pills...blah...I could go on and on forever. Guess what, toss all of that garbage to the wind! It's best to really NOT be perfect!! #1 YOU'LL NEVER BE PERFECT. You can try...I did...for a really long time I tried...the perfect body...a size 2 figure...never messing up...I tried...sure did...but, I failed. Miserably. Perfectionism will ruin a person...this idea that we cannot mess up...it's a false ideal set there. And, I'm here to tell you...if we are living a very REAL life...a very God serving life...a life that's outside the box...if we are going and telling people the good news...WE ARE GOING TO FALL...we are going to say the wrong words sometimes...we are going to mess up. But, I think there's beauty in all of that. We learn so much about ourselves when we fall...and perhaps what's most beautiful...there is always a mighty God as our safety net. ALWAYS. When my Mom passed I said to someone "I don't know how to do all of this perfectly." He told me I didn't have to be perfect all of the time. I couldn't wrap my head around that...but I can now. Some stuff in life is messy...grief is messy...life can get messy...and it's ok to wade through it just the best that we know how and not be amazing or perfect at it. I'm not suggesting we toss our hands up and say..."oh, well, I'm just not perfect...why try..." rather I'm suggesting we TRY MORE!!! Try something new...do something different...EVEN IF YOU AREN'T PERFECT AT IT. A prime example in my world...sewing...anyone who has known me for any time at all knows I get things done now...I don't wait around...I don't sit still for long...I'm active...and to think of ME sewing would probably give them a generous laugh! It does me too, honestly! But, I'm learning about myself in the process...I'm learning a new skill and hobby...I'm living outside the box...and I'm not perfect at sewing, in fact I've done more thread pulling than sewing at this point...but, I'm loving every minute of it. I'm eager about it, I'm excited, and I'm not perfect at it! Lastly, let's encourage others...let's give others the confidence to go forward...let's give others the confidence and the courage to do something outside the box....maybe for some that's reading a Bible....there are some in this world that have never heard the good news...there are some that don't know HOW to read The Word...maybe it's our little acts of not being perfect that might lead someone else to a BIG act of acceptance. Maybe in all of YOUR imperfection...your truly living...going...and not doing it perfectly someone else around you might find the courage to pick up that book that might be unknown to them? Go be IMperfect today! Good morning! I made this Sunday for my family and they enjoyed it! Aiden and Natalie especially. This is a Weight Watchers derived recipe with a little twist of my own...happy simmering :-) You'll need: Whole carrots Whole celery 1-1.5 lb chicken breasts 1 small yellow onion Egg noodles-entire pkg 8 cups chicken broth Thyme-1 teaspoon Dill-1 teaspoon Rosemary-dried-1 teaspoon Fresh parsley-1 tablespoon 1 lemon-Weight Waters recommends juice from 1/2 a lemon...I used juice from a whole lemon 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil Salt& pepper to taste Chop your carrots, celery,and the entire small yellow onion. (Weight Waters recommends 3 carrots and two celery stalks...I doubled mine just to make it thicker and more hearty). Toss into the crockpot atop of your chicken...add the olive oil...all spices except the fresh parsley and lemon. Allow to simmer in the crockpot roughly 6-8 hours...remove the chicken and shred or chop whichever you prefer. While doing that add in your entire pkg of egg noodles and fresh parsley. Allow the noodles to get tender which should take about 15 minutes...add back in your chicken and squeeze in your lemon juice. Stir well...and serve :-) And, to add a few calories...which I'm really good at doing...I added 1 tablespoon of sour cream and a bit of shredded cheese to my bowl (I don't think Weight Watchers recommends that :-) Great for while you are at work or just busy with other things! Gotta love crockpot meals! You all know by now that I love to clean...I just do...I always have and I cannot really tell you why other than it just makes my heart happy to clean. I've found in my adulthood however, that when I'm upset...I REALLY clean. And, so, Sunday rolled around...I woke up with my Mom on my heart and the heavy weight of missing her was on me...last night I found out some potentially wonderful news and I just wanted to tell SOMEONE...she would be the one I would ordinarily call to tell...so, in all of my excitement, I told her in my heart...which wasn't the same. Back to Sunday...I found out someone who I have carried in my heart over the years is sick....this person has an illness that I do not know will go away. As I read the news my heart just stopped for a moment and that giant lump that I try so hard to keep from my throat surfaced itself right back to where it's been and I cried....I grabbed my cleaning supplies....got on my hands and knees and I cried. I scrubbed the floors with my Mrs. Meyers and my tears and I talked to God...asking Him why...why again....why are people I love...people that matter to me...why are they sick...why are they struggling...and why do I need to feel the pain of their struggle so deeply. God blessed me with a REALLY big heart...my heart is capable of so much love...so so much love...but, this BIG heart also knows how to feel BIG pain. In all of my scrubbing...in all of my cleaning...and in all of my questions to God I finally just settled my heart and my thoughts into this...there are seasons in this life...they come and they will pass...there are people in this life...they too will come and pass...I guess our job is to love them...love them the best we know how while they are here...while they are within our reach...and never hesitate to tell someone how much you love them. So, I guess this house...my family...my BIG heart will frequently find me on my knees...but that's ok...because on my knee's with my BIG heart I'm feeling so much...so much love...sometimes some loss...sometimes a heart break....but God didn't put me here to not love...and I suppose if I'm feeling love for others I will feel pain when they hurt, when they are ill, and when they might pass. Every Christmas Eve my sister would make twice baked potatoes, steak, and chicken...yumm...and with 15 years in our age difference it was always so exciting for her to come stay at home with us and cook...well...suffice it to say, I didn't get the "cooking gene" somehow my "cooking gene" was substituted with....well....I have yet to find my true talent :-) Anyway...this is a really simple "Kimberly-proof" way to make delicious twice baked potatoes: You'll need: Large baking potatoes x's however many you plan to serve Sour cream Salt&Pepper Milk--whatever's in the fridge will do Cheddar cheese Bacon Green onion Butter I do everything to taste with these....so I always purchase the largest of sour cream, cheese, and bacon (I will tell you...I use the entire pkg of bacon...I have two guys that LOVE bacon) +Fully coat your baking potatoes with extra virgin olive oil, a bit of salt, and poke holes in the tops of them-wrap them in aluminum foil and bake for 1-1/2 hour(s) on 350. +Once soft to the feel pitch the aluminum foil and cut the tops of the potatoes out...I do a "football" shaped cut and make little "boats out of them" remember to leave some of the potato on the inside for support of the skin. +empty your potato filling into a large mixing bowl, and this is where it gets fun...I add roughly two good spoon fulls of both butter and sour cream...use a hand held mixer and cream the potato to your liking. +chop some green onion and add in your bacon to which you can cook up while the potatoes are baking. I just use my hands and break up the bacon. (some use bacon bits if your short on time)...add in shredded cheddar cheese...salt& pepper to your liking...I use the mixer again and cream the ingredients. Once you've obtained a stuffing that you like simply spoon into your little "potato boats" and top with left over bacon, and cheese. +Bake when you are ready for dinner at 350 until cheese is melted--12-15 mins. Lastly, I feel I'm obligated to tell you to enjoy these in moderation...I'm pretty sure I do not want to even know the caloric content of these suckers! But...enjoy!!! Burrr....good afternoon friends! I finally find a moment to sit down, have a cup o' tea, and jot down a few thoughts for you! After a little Miss who is struggling with an upset stomach, and volunteer time at school my moments to sit and write are so treasured...and so very few it seems. Not to mention, I've put it upon myself to build a Tepee this afternoon out of scrap wood! Oh, the things I think of! I had an encounter today with a very dear friend while at Aiden's school....over little kindergarten voices...conversation...food wrappers...spilled milk...and an "open this...please open that..." my dear friend said, "I wonder if I'm enough for this job." WHOA!!! Someone else feels that way too!!??? I've felt that...I've let that thought defeat me...more than once. So, my words to you today are this...you ARE enough. God knew exactly what He was doing when he orchestrated you and your family...God gave you just the right children for YOU...and believe it or not...He gave your children THE RIGHT MOM! Trust me, I've been there...when faced with the hard in parenting I've sat and wondered how in the world will I tackle this...but that wonderful God up above me...HE always equips me... When the tough gets you don't even let that thought surface...that's Satan preying on a weakness...YOU ARE ENOUGH...you were the person chosen to raise your babes. My request lately has been to see my Mom...one more time...to hear her voice...just once more. Today after Natalie went for her nap I was downstairs vacuuming and glanced over to see the box of my Mom's things...in it...was a story...I think was meant to read this today.... Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more. "Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went...Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited...but it didn't return. "That's funny" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second..."Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony gathered its friends together. "I have an idea." The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise," they said solemnly. One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who has suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above. When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!! Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before. The dragonfly remembered the promise: "the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water... "I can't return!" he said in dismay. At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went." And the dragonfly winged off happily into its new wonderful world of sun and air... Ever wake up saying... "ugh...I have to go to work?" WE ALL HAVE!!!! Ever look in your kitchen and say, "ugh...I have so many dishes to do.." or...as I often think "I JUST cleaned the kitchen...and now it's time for another meal to mess it up." Oh, yes, I'm so guilty of thinking that negative little thought in my head and on more than one occasion. Let's get real for a moment....we all grumble at the sight of work at one point or another. I do...you do...we all do and have... But, lately in my head I've been saying "may the work of my hands be done in love" we've all heard that little phrase but lately it's taken on so much meaning for me. Kids...a family...being a productive member of our society requires work...it just does. It requires we mess our kitchens up...our homes...our cars...it requires little messes. But, what if we put a more positive spin on these little "messes?" DIshes...I really dislike dishes...and folding laundry...yep, those are the two things I just cannot seem to find any joy in doing.Bless Rob, he always tries to step in and take on those tasks...but with 4 of us he just cannot do it all...it's a shared responsibility and I'm just grateful he cares enough to step in and help. So...maybe instead of saying "well...my kitchen is a mess again" or "it's clean now...don't mess it up!" Maybe we could say... "alright...the kitchen is clean..and it's ready to feed my family again..." or "the laundry needs to be folded so my family has nice clean clothes." Maybe if we do things more out of love instead of haste and spite we might learn to enjoy the work that is given to us. As a full time Mom I know the work gets redundant....meals always need to be prepared...laundry will always exists but, we can learn to be thankful for the work and learn to do it out of love. So, today...thank you God for the BIG blessing of a family...a family that I get to work for...that I get to care for....thank you for the dishes and the food that always needs to be tended to...thank you for the blessing of tons of clothes to wash.... Have a great day! I'm going to let you in on a few secrets of mine...because I guarantee that if I'm having these questions...someone else in this world is too. This is ordinarily something I would reserve for Rob only...something I would preface with "don't judge me...but..." he's the one I always pose the hard...embarrassing...all consuming questions to...but, today...I'm getting it all out into the world. I went in and began making our bed this morning...as I pulled back the covers to lay the sheet straight I noticed my wadded up kleenex and I was reminded that I awoke last night at 1am and was wide awake until 4am thinking. I was thinking of my Mom...I was heavy in prayer...I was asking God to grant me sleep...and a comforted heart. God didn't bless me with those things at 1am...2am...or even 3am...instead I blessed my husband with me waking him up :-) and telling him to talk to me...to hear me out...and to just listen to me cry. I sometimes pity him....my sleepless nights are hopefully going to come to a close soon...I so hope...more for his sake than mine. And in my sleeplessness I asked Rob this..."why isn't God doing something...I mean, I know He's doing something...but, why isn't He causing floods....moving mountains...why is it that the things He once did were monumental...and now they just aren't???" Along with that my mind went to this..."why isn't He sending an angel to me right now to comfort me...to tell me my Mom is ok...why isn't He giving me sleep...why isn't He talking to me in a way that I can feel it...hear it...and know that this is the voice of God giving me peace??" WHY??? I need to stop here to tell you...in all of this...I never once doubted my God...because I know He's real...He's very much alive...and He is doing something...but why isn't it OLD TESTAMENT-STYLE DOING SOMETHING??? In church we had been discussing divine interventions...which is so fascinating to me. I do believe that those divine interventions are God....I do believe God has tossed a few my way...I KNOW He has...and things have turned out just the way God intended after He tossed what I felt was a "detour" my way. I know God is active...and I know that He's doing something. But, isn't it so like us Americans to wonder why isn't it more? Why isn't it what I feel I need him to do? Well...in all of my rambling...all of my talking...all of my questions...Rob said something that put it all into perspective...and yes, this entire blog I write to you will be resolved in one sentence "Kimberly...you are trying to make sense of God's plan." This morning...while it was dark...while I was intense in prayer...I told Rob as I have many times, "I so hope He has a big over-sized comfy chair up there for me...and I hope He doesn't get sick of all of my questions...because I've got so many for God." God has a plan...He does...and it is one that try as I might...I will never understand it in it's entirety until it's time for me to meet My Maker. But, in all of this...I have learned further a lesson that I've struggled with for so long...to lay it all on Him...give my heavy heart...my burden to Him...because He does care for me...He knows my heart...my pain...my joy...He knows me better than I know myself...and I do believe He has a plan that is good for me. I need to trust Him. I wish you a beautiful and blessed day today! Find peace knowing He is doing something...maybe not old-testament-style...but, He's got this. Homemade laundry detergent (powder)
-one part unscented bar soap grated-I used Ivory -two parts borax-Team Mule -two parts wash soap-Arm& Hammer Mix very well in large mixing bowl. Use about 1/4 cup in each load. Happy making! I was approached this past week about returning to work...I was offered a job...and my first instinct was..."NO WAY!" But to tell you the truth...I mulled it over...inside that big science museum I was with my children ...I read the text message and really thought it over. I thought about the money...the adult conversation...hum...an actual lunch hour!!!! Then...I looked at them...I looked into their faces and I was right back to my first instinct of "no." No way. I know MANY working Mothers...COUNTLESS...so many women go into their jobs...and go home to still keep it all together under their roof but for some reason I cannot do it. It's not that I don't have the skill or the ability...I do...I did...I worked...I balanced it all on my own...but right now, in this season of life I'm happy with my bright yellow cleaning gloves...not surgical gloves...I'm happy (well, most days) with sharing my lunch with one of my children...I'm happy being in a science museum instead of a hospital...I'm happy with learning to make sacrifices and the art of this whole stay-at-home-mom thing. There's something very warm...cozy...calming...and safe about the family raising the children...and in our current situation most of our family lives farther away...so having a grandparent watch the children just isn't an option. Staying at home is. Being here to witness the first steps of my little daughter is totally magical and a day I will honestly never forget. Building forts with Aiden is great...it's cozy...and it's right where I'm supposed to be. Trying new recipes that take all day...learning to sew...keeping my home cozy and clean...that's my craft...my job...my talent...and my ability. I know...so many people think stay-at-home-moms live this life of luxury...and yes, I do consider my ability to be here a luxury...but I will also tell you this...I don't eat bon bon's all day...I couldn't tell you the names of any daytime soaps on TV...I don't know the last time I went shopping at Macy's or Dillards...but, I can tell you that Aiden is learning to read...I can tell you my daughter is talking and loves saying "thank you" "thank you"...I can tell you my home stays clean and just so. And, my biggest struggle...I can tell you is this...I WANT A BIGGER HOUSE!!! I want more room...more space...but I can tell you this...there is so much love inside this house of ours. Nope...I don't have the luxury jacuzzi tub in my bathroom that I would so love to have...I don't have the BIG GIANT walk-in closet to house my clothes...but I've got the closeness of 3 people that I need...that I love...that I work hard for each day...and it's a job that I do not get paid money for...instead I get paid in love, and satisfaction. And, lastly, this stay-at-home-mom business I do all day...every day...it's brought me closer to God. Yes, I was close before...my faith was there...it was strong...it did exist...but, these lessons I'm learning...God has brought each one to me. Some have been easy...some have been extremely difficult but God laid them before me and gave me a choice on how I would learn them. With my closeness...my Mighty Father...I can better serve my children...my home...my husband...I can better serve those that might not know Him. One other thing...my kids are able to see me doing this business I do with Him...they are able to see me on my knees in prayer some days...they are able to see me talking with the Mighty God that gives me strength when I really have none at all...they are able to see this faith of mine in action...THAT makes it all worth it. They are able to see me praise Him... My un-paying job is paying off in other ways....and for right now I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Remember that sewing machine Rob purchased me? Well, I broke it out today and I made 2 corn-bags (you know...the ones you put in the microwave and heat up to mimic a heating pad). I made one especially for Aiden out of fabric he selected, and one for myself. In the process I did in fact get to know exactly how to use a thread-puller...as I was messing up frequently. However, this is a hobby I truly believe I'm going to grow right into. I'm so excited! It feels amazing trying to make things and learning a new craft. I have so much to learn about my sewing machine...so many levers...dials...buttons...so many fun stitches to use...I look forward to time with my sewing machine....Rob has even cleared a space for me in the workshop to have my own little space!!! It all takes time...I am so far from great at it...but I'm getting there. I hope everyone is starting off with a wonderful new year...I know that we are..I'm grateful already for what the year 2015 has to offer for this family. Mooney Moments: Natalie is walking everywhere!!! She had a great time making her way up and down the aisles as we did our grocery shopping today. Aiden returns back to school Monday :-( I've so enjoyed having him home and just playing...enjoying his company and all he has to talk about...all he wants to do...he's so special to us. Rob has been super busy at work...I'm always so happy when it's the weekend to have him home. Lastly...I've been busy learning how to be super thrifty!! I'm having adventures in couponing...and tomorrow I'm learning to make homemade laundry soap!!! There's something very warm...very special about knowing that your hard work went into it...I'm so excited...I love making things...I love doing things for this family of mine. I talk to God ALL DAY...EVERY SINGLE DAY...I talk so much to Him....I guarantee I wear his listening ear out!! However, in all of MY talking to God I do not do enough basking in His light...His blessings...His life...His grace...I'm embarrassed to tell you...my relationship with God is too often one-sided...it's all about ME. God tells us we can lay anything on Him...and I sure do take advantage of that. I try so hard to let God do all of my worrying...because He's a big God and He can handle it. This morning Rob went and did a few things that I would normally do...my life tends to be very go-go-go...get this done...take a child here...or there...I love being busy, but, this past year...busy kept me a bit selfish when it comes to my relationship with God. So, as Rob left to go do the errands I normally would...I sat down...and I talked to God...I didn't ASK anything of Him...I just talked to Him...I praised Him...and it was in those moments I realized it had been a LONG TIME since I had really praised Him. God does so much for me, my kids, my husband...this household...He just does...He has never failed me, and yet I've failed Him REPEATEDLY. He graciously always carries me when I cannot go any farther...never wavering...always there...always loyal...THAT is truly amazing. I strive to be Christ-like when I am hurt by others...I strive to "turn the other cheek" as they say. But...this New Year I plan to offer God so much more praise...less about ME ME ME...and WAY MORE ABOUT HIM!! Have a VERY Happy New Year!!! Be safe....and remember to just praise Him....He's so very deserving...isn't He? It all began last night...the little kids were tucked away warmly in their beds...both of them snoring and at peace...I walked out of each of their bedrooms and my Mommy heart was happy...at peace...I never knew hearing my babies snore and sleep soundly would bring me so much contentment. I turned on my heating pad...laid down in bed next to Rob who was asleep within minutes...and I started crying...the tears just fell. The lump in my throat grew and I wasn't holding it back anymore. I woke up Rob and made him listen to me...I needed to talk about my Mom...it's been so long since it's hurt this badly...but here it is again...that pain that nothing can seem to remedy. I miss my Mom. I told Rob that I need someone to teach me the things I still don't know about being a Mom and a Wife...I really have no idea what I'm doing...I feel abandon and alone. Yep, in a house full of people...I felt alone. I kept mentioning to my husband that I needed to get away...I needed to get out of town...he wasn't latching on to the idea so I knew it wasn't budgeted for...or planned for...so it just wasn't happening. Finally...after wrestling with my thoughts and my tears God blessed me with sleep. I woke up...poured some coffee and decided that this weekend would be the weekend I would begin sewing my curtains....that actually got me pumped!! So, after Natalie and I dropped off Aiden for a play-date we made our errands and ended up at Hobby Lobby to purchase a pattern for the curtains. I ran into an employee and told her what I was looking for...I was greeted with her rudeness and unwillingness to help me...what did I do? I broke into tears and walked away. I buckled my sweetheart into her seat and decided we were going home. Home where I can just deal with the emotions and I don't have to deal with rudeness...nope, not to day. As we pulled into the driveway I pushed the button for the garage door to open....I pushed it repeatedly...IT WASN'T OPENING....I sat there...feeling defeated...the day had won!! Nat and I came in for lunch...we played...and she went down for her nap. It wasn't until then I really reflected on all the day had tossed me. I shouldn't feel defeated....this day did NOT win...I DID!!! Why? Because through it all...I remained faithful...never once did I question my God or my faith...never once did my children see me blow up or get angry...I kept one foot ahead of the other...I could have stooped to that ole' crow's level at Hobby Lobby...but I remained an eagle...even in my tears I remained an eagle...(remember crows cannot reach heights that eagles can). It's been a rough day...it just has...but those days will happen....we shouldn't feel defeated in those days....the day only wins when we allow it to. My kids are happy...they are healthy...they are warm...oh so loved...and I have the love of three amazing people to keep me content...AND, best of all God has this hedge of protection around me...the day...some people...they might fire arrows my way...but that hedge protects me :-) Hey everyone!! I write to you with a tummy full of a no-bake peanut butter cookie...and a warm cup o' coffee sitting beside me...Natalie is sound asleep for her morning nap, and Mr. Aiden has been busy teaching me all about Minecraft this morning. I'm so blessed with amazing children...and a husband that made me sit down this morning just so he could tell me how loved I am. God blessed me so abundantly with such a wonderful family and I can tell you these walls hold a very special kind of love. Last night Aiden came and sat on my lap to tell me he was thinking about his "Nana"....Nana in Heaven. As he walked away to get into bed my heart just broke....I miss her so much...I do...perhaps right now what I miss the most is her voice...her phone calls...her calling me "Mrs. K"...she always called me "Little Mrs. K", or "Mrs.K"....no one will ever call me that again and it hold so much meaning. God and I have had so many talks lately...well, we always do...but the volume of our talks has sure increased and I'm sure He's sick of hearing from me!! God has given me peace that I will make it...this grieving heart of mine will make it. I talk to my Mom...all of the time I talk to her...I still tell her everything. So...today...thank you God for the blessing of the family I have right here on earth, and the precious memory of those with you in Paradise. As a side note...dear readers....thank you for being loyal and reading...I promise after my sweet little Aiden returns to school many more very proverbial blogs will be coming your way...along with many more tabs to check out! Be excited :-) I have many drafts so close to being ready for you to read!!! Have an amazing day! Oh, and yes....NATALIE IS WALKING!!!!! WE WON'T BE WATCHING HER SCOOT OR CRAWL OFF TO COLLEGE!!!!!! Well, Merry post-Christmas!! The Mooney household had a great Christmas spent with wonderful people...3 Christmas celebrations total...each one being just wonderful. I have to admit...Christmas Eve, and Christmas day I was a bit off kilter...but...I made it guys!!! I made it through Christmas!!! Each moment I was thinking of her...I think the moment it struck me the hardest was when my brother-in-law, and sister-in-law gave me a gardening book and tools....something so very much "my mom..."....but also someone I've grown into....I'm so very grateful for the gift...the memories it brought with it...and the bittersweet taste it did leave....her memory will live forever in my heart. And so...I've been thinking about New Years!!! Resolutions.....etc...etc...and I've decided I wont be making any this year!!!! Oh, you heard me....this girl that always makes resolutions...she won't be making them this year....instead I'll keep just going forward and call that good :-) I also told Rob the other day that come January my blog would be complete...and I would stop....the STATS have decreased...and I'm not sure that it's hitting anyone in the way I would hope....but, I decided against that. I'm going to keep going forward with the blog and have many additions as the new year rolls around...we will have a recipe tab, a craft tab....oh, and whatever else I can come up with. I've been doing my research and many acclaimed writers go on for years prior to becoming well noticed...not that I do this to be noticed....I do it in hopes that mom's elsewhere might know that someone else is there too...and can totally and completely empathize with all they love, hate, endure, and do. Well wishes my readers!!! So....keep calm and listen to Mooney this new year!!! Tuesday-Christmas #1 Wednesday-Christmas #2 Thursday-We serve the homeless of Springfield And so my best gift ever is my family. Santa comes to our house tomorrow night...and we cannot wait! Tomorrow we bake cookies...and toss about reindeer food in the yard....we put on our Christmas PJ's...drink hot chocolate...and wait for the big ole' jolly guy to adorn our floor with unique little gifts for our babies!!!! I'm so very excited.... I spent time in my floor with the curling ribbon tonight and truly loved it! This Christmas is bittersweet...but, I'm doing it...I'm doing Christmas when I thought I couldn't!!! Thank you God for my sweet family...the little laughs Natalie gives me...the hugs from Aiden...the consistency of an amazing husband...and the love this house has in it! Being a little girl I can recall the cinnamon in the air...the glitter everywhere...the spirit of Christmas all around...and the decorations here and there... God needed you in Heaven this Christmas to decorate... In my minds eye I see you there Wrapping gifts so perfectly...the way you did when you were here The bows were always big...perfect...so bright... Your eyes would sparkle a bit as you placed them on the packages so tight. We will all have a job in Heaven and I can see you up there Wrapping gifts the way you once did...only there...there's so much more cheer. Mom...you spend Christmas in Heaven...with the Mighty One...our Lord and Savior...THE ONE. I miss you here...now...and I'm broken so often... I sit down in the basement with my curling ribbon and cry so no one else has to hear. I'm down here still...trying to be strong...I slap on a smile each day...to be the encouraging one. It's getting harder as the big day approaches...my children...your grand-babies can hardly wait... Aiden was looking up at the sky talking to you while eating dinner over his plate... My heart broke...and I shattered to pieces once everyone was no longer awake... My missing you really hurts...it's no longer just a dull ache. God needed you up in Heaven this Christmas...He knew this would be your year...and I'm left to miss you here.. I have to cling to those around me Mom...I have to keep my heart here beating...but know that you are never forgotten...you are there...in that place...no one will ever take that...even when I'm done with my grieving. I'll never have another mother...I wont have someone to teach me the things I still need to know... Angel said you were her "north star"...without you...we will find our way...but we won't let go. I love you this Christmas and the many more to follow...the other days of the year I will love you too...but, right now I'm just more hollow. God needed my Mama in Heaven this year...He needed her to make it glow...she's up there wrapping gifts...that gives my broken heart some peace to know. |
Author Kimberly MooneyAspiring author, full time mother, and wife. CategoriesArchives
August 2016
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