It all began last night...the little kids were tucked away warmly in their beds...both of them snoring and at peace...I walked out of each of their bedrooms and my Mommy heart was happy...at peace...I never knew hearing my babies snore and sleep soundly would bring me so much contentment.
I turned on my heating pad...laid down in bed next to Rob who was asleep within minutes...and I started crying...the tears just fell. The lump in my throat grew and I wasn't holding it back anymore. I woke up Rob and made him listen to me...I needed to talk about my Mom...it's been so long since it's hurt this badly...but here it is again...that pain that nothing can seem to remedy. I miss my Mom. I told Rob that I need someone to teach me the things I still don't know about being a Mom and a Wife...I really have no idea what I'm doing...I feel abandon and alone. Yep, in a house full of people...I felt alone. I kept mentioning to my husband that I needed to get away...I needed to get out of town...he wasn't latching on to the idea so I knew it wasn't budgeted for...or planned for...so it just wasn't happening. Finally...after wrestling with my thoughts and my tears God blessed me with sleep.
I woke up...poured some coffee and decided that this weekend would be the weekend I would begin sewing my curtains....that actually got me pumped!! So, after Natalie and I dropped off Aiden for a play-date we made our errands and ended up at Hobby Lobby to purchase a pattern for the curtains.
I ran into an employee and told her what I was looking for...I was greeted with her rudeness and unwillingness to help me...what did I do? I broke into tears and walked away. I buckled my sweetheart into her seat and decided we were going home. Home where I can just deal with the emotions and I don't have to deal with rudeness...nope, not to day.
As we pulled into the driveway I pushed the button for the garage door to open....I pushed it repeatedly...IT WASN'T OPENING....I sat there...feeling defeated...the day had won!!
Nat and I came in for lunch...we played...and she went down for her nap. It wasn't until then I really reflected on all the day had tossed me. I shouldn't feel defeated....this day did NOT win...I DID!!! Why? Because through it all...I remained faithful...never once did I question my God or my faith...never once did my children see me blow up or get angry...I kept one foot ahead of the other...I could have stooped to that ole' crow's level at Hobby Lobby...but I remained an eagle...even in my tears I remained an eagle...(remember crows cannot reach heights that eagles can).
It's been a rough day...it just has...but those days will happen....we shouldn't feel defeated in those days....the day only wins when we allow it to.
My kids are happy...they are healthy...they are warm...oh so loved...and I have the love of three amazing people to keep me content...AND, best of all God has this hedge of protection around me...the day...some people...they might fire arrows my way...but that hedge protects me :-)
I turned on my heating pad...laid down in bed next to Rob who was asleep within minutes...and I started crying...the tears just fell. The lump in my throat grew and I wasn't holding it back anymore. I woke up Rob and made him listen to me...I needed to talk about my Mom...it's been so long since it's hurt this badly...but here it is again...that pain that nothing can seem to remedy. I miss my Mom. I told Rob that I need someone to teach me the things I still don't know about being a Mom and a Wife...I really have no idea what I'm doing...I feel abandon and alone. Yep, in a house full of people...I felt alone. I kept mentioning to my husband that I needed to get away...I needed to get out of town...he wasn't latching on to the idea so I knew it wasn't budgeted for...or planned for...so it just wasn't happening. Finally...after wrestling with my thoughts and my tears God blessed me with sleep.
I woke up...poured some coffee and decided that this weekend would be the weekend I would begin sewing my curtains....that actually got me pumped!! So, after Natalie and I dropped off Aiden for a play-date we made our errands and ended up at Hobby Lobby to purchase a pattern for the curtains.
I ran into an employee and told her what I was looking for...I was greeted with her rudeness and unwillingness to help me...what did I do? I broke into tears and walked away. I buckled my sweetheart into her seat and decided we were going home. Home where I can just deal with the emotions and I don't have to deal with rudeness...nope, not to day.
As we pulled into the driveway I pushed the button for the garage door to open....I pushed it repeatedly...IT WASN'T OPENING....I sat there...feeling defeated...the day had won!!
Nat and I came in for lunch...we played...and she went down for her nap. It wasn't until then I really reflected on all the day had tossed me. I shouldn't feel defeated....this day did NOT win...I DID!!! Why? Because through it all...I remained faithful...never once did I question my God or my faith...never once did my children see me blow up or get angry...I kept one foot ahead of the other...I could have stooped to that ole' crow's level at Hobby Lobby...but I remained an eagle...even in my tears I remained an eagle...(remember crows cannot reach heights that eagles can).
It's been a rough day...it just has...but those days will happen....we shouldn't feel defeated in those days....the day only wins when we allow it to.
My kids are happy...they are healthy...they are warm...oh so loved...and I have the love of three amazing people to keep me content...AND, best of all God has this hedge of protection around me...the day...some people...they might fire arrows my way...but that hedge protects me :-)