I'm going to let you in on a few secrets of mine...because I guarantee that if I'm having these questions...someone else in this world is too. This is ordinarily something I would reserve for Rob only...something I would preface with "don't judge me...but..." he's the one I always pose the hard...embarrassing...all consuming questions to...but, today...I'm getting it all out into the world.
I went in and began making our bed this morning...as I pulled back the covers to lay the sheet straight I noticed my wadded up kleenex and I was reminded that I awoke last night at 1am and was wide awake until 4am thinking. I was thinking of my Mom...I was heavy in prayer...I was asking God to grant me sleep...and a comforted heart. God didn't bless me with those things at 1am...2am...or even 3am...instead I blessed my husband with me waking him up :-) and telling him to talk to me...to hear me out...and to just listen to me cry. I sometimes pity him....my sleepless nights are hopefully going to come to a close soon...I so hope...more for his sake than mine.
And in my sleeplessness I asked Rob this..."why isn't God doing something...I mean, I know He's doing something...but, why isn't He causing floods....moving mountains...why is it that the things He once did were monumental...and now they just aren't???" Along with that my mind went to this..."why isn't He sending an angel to me right now to comfort me...to tell me my Mom is ok...why isn't He giving me sleep...why isn't He talking to me in a way that I can feel it...hear it...and know that this is the voice of God giving me peace??" WHY???
I need to stop here to tell you...in all of this...I never once doubted my God...because I know He's real...He's very much alive...and He is doing something...but why isn't it OLD TESTAMENT-STYLE DOING SOMETHING???
In church we had been discussing divine interventions...which is so fascinating to me. I do believe that those divine interventions are God....I do believe God has tossed a few my way...I KNOW He has...and things have turned out just the way God intended after He tossed what I felt was a "detour" my way. I know God is active...and I know that He's doing something.
But, isn't it so like us Americans to wonder why isn't it more? Why isn't it what I feel I need him to do? Well...in all of my rambling...all of my talking...all of my questions...Rob said something that put it all into perspective...and yes, this entire blog I write to you will be resolved in one sentence "Kimberly...you are trying to make sense of God's plan."
This morning...while it was dark...while I was intense in prayer...I told Rob as I have many times, "I so hope He has a big over-sized comfy chair up there for me...and I hope He doesn't get sick of all of my questions...because I've got so many for God."
God has a plan...He does...and it is one that try as I might...I will never understand it in it's entirety until it's time for me to meet My Maker. But, in all of this...I have learned further a lesson that I've struggled with for so long...to lay it all on Him...give my heavy heart...my burden to Him...because He does care for me...He knows my heart...my pain...my joy...He knows me better than I know myself...and I do believe He has a plan that is good for me. I need to trust Him.
I wish you a beautiful and blessed day today! Find peace knowing He is doing something...maybe not old-testament-style...but, He's got this.
I went in and began making our bed this morning...as I pulled back the covers to lay the sheet straight I noticed my wadded up kleenex and I was reminded that I awoke last night at 1am and was wide awake until 4am thinking. I was thinking of my Mom...I was heavy in prayer...I was asking God to grant me sleep...and a comforted heart. God didn't bless me with those things at 1am...2am...or even 3am...instead I blessed my husband with me waking him up :-) and telling him to talk to me...to hear me out...and to just listen to me cry. I sometimes pity him....my sleepless nights are hopefully going to come to a close soon...I so hope...more for his sake than mine.
And in my sleeplessness I asked Rob this..."why isn't God doing something...I mean, I know He's doing something...but, why isn't He causing floods....moving mountains...why is it that the things He once did were monumental...and now they just aren't???" Along with that my mind went to this..."why isn't He sending an angel to me right now to comfort me...to tell me my Mom is ok...why isn't He giving me sleep...why isn't He talking to me in a way that I can feel it...hear it...and know that this is the voice of God giving me peace??" WHY???
I need to stop here to tell you...in all of this...I never once doubted my God...because I know He's real...He's very much alive...and He is doing something...but why isn't it OLD TESTAMENT-STYLE DOING SOMETHING???
In church we had been discussing divine interventions...which is so fascinating to me. I do believe that those divine interventions are God....I do believe God has tossed a few my way...I KNOW He has...and things have turned out just the way God intended after He tossed what I felt was a "detour" my way. I know God is active...and I know that He's doing something.
But, isn't it so like us Americans to wonder why isn't it more? Why isn't it what I feel I need him to do? Well...in all of my rambling...all of my talking...all of my questions...Rob said something that put it all into perspective...and yes, this entire blog I write to you will be resolved in one sentence "Kimberly...you are trying to make sense of God's plan."
This morning...while it was dark...while I was intense in prayer...I told Rob as I have many times, "I so hope He has a big over-sized comfy chair up there for me...and I hope He doesn't get sick of all of my questions...because I've got so many for God."
God has a plan...He does...and it is one that try as I might...I will never understand it in it's entirety until it's time for me to meet My Maker. But, in all of this...I have learned further a lesson that I've struggled with for so long...to lay it all on Him...give my heavy heart...my burden to Him...because He does care for me...He knows my heart...my pain...my joy...He knows me better than I know myself...and I do believe He has a plan that is good for me. I need to trust Him.
I wish you a beautiful and blessed day today! Find peace knowing He is doing something...maybe not old-testament-style...but, He's got this.