And, so, Sunday rolled around...I woke up with my Mom on my heart and the heavy weight of missing her was on me...last night I found out some potentially wonderful news and I just wanted to tell SOMEONE...she would be the one I would ordinarily call to tell...so, in all of my excitement, I told her in my heart...which wasn't the same. Back to Sunday...I found out someone who I have carried in my heart over the years is sick....this person has an illness that I do not know will go away. As I read the news my heart just stopped for a moment and that giant lump that I try so hard to keep from my throat surfaced itself right back to where it's been and I cried....I grabbed my cleaning supplies....got on my hands and knees and I cried. I scrubbed the floors with my Mrs. Meyers and my tears and I talked to God...asking Him why...why again....why are people I love...people that matter to me...why are they sick...why are they struggling...and why do I need to feel the pain of their struggle so deeply. God blessed me with a REALLY big heart...my heart is capable of so much love...so so much love...but, this BIG heart also knows how to feel BIG pain.
In all of my scrubbing...in all of my cleaning...and in all of my questions to God I finally just settled my heart and my thoughts into this...there are seasons in this life...they come and they will pass...there are people in this life...they too will come and pass...I guess our job is to love them...love them the best we know how while they are here...while they are within our reach...and never hesitate to tell someone how much you love them.
So, I guess this house...my family...my BIG heart will frequently find me on my knees...but that's ok...because on my knee's with my BIG heart I'm feeling so much...so much love...sometimes some loss...sometimes a heart break....but God didn't put me here to not love...and I suppose if I'm feeling love for others I will feel pain when they hurt, when they are ill, and when they might pass.