GURRRRR.....I sat at our kitchen table very frustrated. I had just gotten some not so great news on Monday morning...I looked at the time on the computer, and it was early...was this REALLY how my day was going to go? I felt deflated, defeated, worried, and angry all in one...I had to make some appointments after getting the news and realized what day it was. February 10th. Yep, a day that kinda hurts....not just today because of the news, but each year, this day hurts. I typically remember days, even weeks before to “psych myself up...” to not let the day get to me...but, this year, having two kids, and a husband I forgot.
I put my head down on our kitchen table and just cried. I balled my eyes out for about 45 minutes. I had a brother once, well..I still do, he just lives in Heaven and in my heart now. If he were alive February 10th would have been his birthday. “Happy Birthday, Bubba...” I said out-loud, and more then than ever, I wanted to crawl back into bed and just cry my day away. I miss my Bubba so much, and as I sit here writing this I still cry....maybe to you it is juvenile to hear a grown woman call her brother “Bubba” but he will always be that to me.
So, as I sat there zoned out on my tears hitting the table I realized I am doing what drives me crazy! I am wallowing! I hate it when people wallow day after day, and forget that everything really does have a silver-lining.
Ok, Kimberly, stop it...dry up your tears and find the bright side of this....hum....I have two happy kids....alright..that’s a start.... and my thoughts slowly stopped being so “present” and I drifted back to the past...dancing with my brother, singing Garth Brooks at the top of our lungs, and horseback riding....I wish I could just go back and do those things again with my Bubba....
Bubba...oh yes...we call Aiden “Bubba!” I stopped and realized that I was doing it again...WALLOWING....I gave myself a mental slap across the face, got up, and put my sad energy into my kids TIMES TWO that day...I worked more on fostering a fun, memorable relationship between Bubba, and Sissy...Aiden and Natalie.
This morning while having my coffee Rob and I discussed how amazing Aiden is to Natalie. He loves her so much, and her little face just lights up when he is within her vision. They love one another, and Aiden is just absolutely amazing as a big brother. He holds her, plays with her, feeds her...gosh...he does so much! It clicked with me, and in that moment I thanked God for that gift. February 10th was a hard day....but, God gave me something in return....he is working in my little son's heart, teaching him to be a really great big brother. There is a silver-lining.
I cannot go back and talk my Bubba out of taking his life, I cannot change the wounds, the sadness, and the separation that is between us now. I can, however, let God use the sadness, and the sorrow for something good. And, if I stop the wallowing I can see what that good is! Today around 7:20am...years later, I am seeing God at work. He took what was broken and is using it for his kingdom...he is using the heartache for something good.
I put my head down on our kitchen table and just cried. I balled my eyes out for about 45 minutes. I had a brother once, well..I still do, he just lives in Heaven and in my heart now. If he were alive February 10th would have been his birthday. “Happy Birthday, Bubba...” I said out-loud, and more then than ever, I wanted to crawl back into bed and just cry my day away. I miss my Bubba so much, and as I sit here writing this I still cry....maybe to you it is juvenile to hear a grown woman call her brother “Bubba” but he will always be that to me.
So, as I sat there zoned out on my tears hitting the table I realized I am doing what drives me crazy! I am wallowing! I hate it when people wallow day after day, and forget that everything really does have a silver-lining.
Ok, Kimberly, stop it...dry up your tears and find the bright side of this....hum....I have two happy kids....alright..that’s a start.... and my thoughts slowly stopped being so “present” and I drifted back to the past...dancing with my brother, singing Garth Brooks at the top of our lungs, and horseback riding....I wish I could just go back and do those things again with my Bubba....
Bubba...oh yes...we call Aiden “Bubba!” I stopped and realized that I was doing it again...WALLOWING....I gave myself a mental slap across the face, got up, and put my sad energy into my kids TIMES TWO that day...I worked more on fostering a fun, memorable relationship between Bubba, and Sissy...Aiden and Natalie.
This morning while having my coffee Rob and I discussed how amazing Aiden is to Natalie. He loves her so much, and her little face just lights up when he is within her vision. They love one another, and Aiden is just absolutely amazing as a big brother. He holds her, plays with her, feeds her...gosh...he does so much! It clicked with me, and in that moment I thanked God for that gift. February 10th was a hard day....but, God gave me something in return....he is working in my little son's heart, teaching him to be a really great big brother. There is a silver-lining.
I cannot go back and talk my Bubba out of taking his life, I cannot change the wounds, the sadness, and the separation that is between us now. I can, however, let God use the sadness, and the sorrow for something good. And, if I stop the wallowing I can see what that good is! Today around 7:20am...years later, I am seeing God at work. He took what was broken and is using it for his kingdom...he is using the heartache for something good.