I am the absolute worst at standing up for myself, and although I have gotten better I still find that saying, "no," is so hard for me. My nature is that of a "people pleaser" I want to make everyone else happy, even if it is at the expense of myself. And, to a degree that is ok...when you are single, and childless...however, that is no longer a boat that I find myself sailing in. I have a husband, and two really amazing children that I am devoted to. So, these past few days I have been taught the fast-track course in saying "no," and understanding that sometimes that little word can mean BIG relief.
"No" is hard. "No" is hard to hear, and it is hard to say. But, drawing that definitive line in the sand that is "no" is such a blessing sometimes. "No" can free us from carrying someone else when we are costing ourselves too much.
I found myself in a deep situation recently, one in which I was trying so hard to carry someone else's burden, I was trying to free someone else from a pain that surrounded them. I have big news for you...you cannot save people...and when other people are struggling you can maybe bring them temporary happiness by your presence, but, sometimes they have to endure much of it on their own. It is a hard reality, and I find myself just broken knowing that I cannot fix it. I'm not God, I'm just Kimberly....and try as I might...I cannot control or even fix the pain that someone else has to endure. I hate that reality, but, it is one that I must face.
I've told you that I am grieving. I am grieving my "no" that definitive line that I have drawn...because I have a heart. I have a big heart...and sometimes leaving someone to struggle behind me, as I walk forward is so hard. I feel like you just do not realize how much you love people until you see them struggling. Something just rips my heart into shreds when someone else is hurting, and I cannot fix it.
But, in all of my attempts to guard someone from the pain that is this loss they have suffered I lost myself too. I became all too consumed in my efforts to fix what was broken, and have learned that I cannot, nor can I make it better. There are some losses in life that no one can make better only the slow hands of time can ease the pain ever so slightly.
So, today I learned something. I am not weak for drawling my line...I am actually stronger for doing so...
"No" is hard. "No" is hard to hear, and it is hard to say. But, drawing that definitive line in the sand that is "no" is such a blessing sometimes. "No" can free us from carrying someone else when we are costing ourselves too much.
I found myself in a deep situation recently, one in which I was trying so hard to carry someone else's burden, I was trying to free someone else from a pain that surrounded them. I have big news for you...you cannot save people...and when other people are struggling you can maybe bring them temporary happiness by your presence, but, sometimes they have to endure much of it on their own. It is a hard reality, and I find myself just broken knowing that I cannot fix it. I'm not God, I'm just Kimberly....and try as I might...I cannot control or even fix the pain that someone else has to endure. I hate that reality, but, it is one that I must face.
I've told you that I am grieving. I am grieving my "no" that definitive line that I have drawn...because I have a heart. I have a big heart...and sometimes leaving someone to struggle behind me, as I walk forward is so hard. I feel like you just do not realize how much you love people until you see them struggling. Something just rips my heart into shreds when someone else is hurting, and I cannot fix it.
But, in all of my attempts to guard someone from the pain that is this loss they have suffered I lost myself too. I became all too consumed in my efforts to fix what was broken, and have learned that I cannot, nor can I make it better. There are some losses in life that no one can make better only the slow hands of time can ease the pain ever so slightly.
So, today I learned something. I am not weak for drawling my line...I am actually stronger for doing so...