"You always hurt the one you love, the one you should not hurt at all;
You always take the sweetest rose, and crush it till the petals fall;
You always break the kindest heart, with a hasty word you can't recall;
So if I broke your heart last night, it's because I love you most of all." (Mills Brothers)
Well, I have reached out to many people regarding why hurting people hurt people and my feedback has been pretty mixed. The above is something I read earlier in the week which I found in Psychology Today and for whatever reason it just resonated with me. I have hurt people before when I was hurting, I have said something I just shouldn't have said due to some internal struggle I was having. Rob can be the first to tell you, I can get pretty snappy when something is bothering me. That is not ok, and it is something I try to avoid, but, I am human...and I mess up.
So, in my feedback some felt the above was a "cop-out" some said, "that makes perfect sense," and others felt it was "not ok." While I cannot interpret everyone else's thoughts on the matter I can tell you mine. It is in my experience that some do indeed tend to hurt others when they are hurting. Yes. That is simple for me to answer, but the question that really has me curious is why? That age old question that never really gets an answer, typically just receives a shoulder shrug...and a walk on...
Why in the world do we hurt the people we love the most when we are hurting? You would think we would want to draw them closer, wouldn't you?? Some personalities do. Rob for instance...when he is hurting, upset, or whatever the case might be...he tends to pull inward closer to this family...I on the other hand...I tend to step away....and try not to say something out of haste. And, if I do say something out of haste I am pretty good about asking for forgiveness until I am blue in the face. Rob can also vouch for that...I HATE when I say things I do not mean. I hate when I let my own little struggle hurt someone else.
I think today I want to talk about being aware. Being aware of when you are struggling...when you are not at your best. I think that comes with much self-awareness and understanding yourself...knowing when you are maxed out and just cannot offer much to anyone else. Learn those things in yourself. I have certainly had to learn my little quarks for when I am just maxed out...I notice that I just get short, easily bothered, and quick to frustration. When we understand these little things about ourselves I think we can better avoid hurting others while we sort out whatever is bothering us. For some it might be staying away from your phone when you are upset. Staying away from a computer...or just staying away from people for a bit. Everything is better for me when I am outside...something about the sunshine and fresh air just wipes away the bother from me for a bit, and after that I can see things a bit more clearly.
Why hurting people hurt people? Maybe it is because they know that, that person will still be there when it is all said and done? Maybe it is because they know that person is capable of forgiveness? I have no idea.
All I know is that we should learn ourselves, and learn to communicate even through our pain. Learn ourselves well enough to say, "I'm hurting, I cannot deal with this right now.." or, "Please just give me some space.." I was proud of myself the other day...it had been a week..a really hard week in fact..I was really struggling with a loss and I had to just say out-loud to everyone, "I need a break...I'm going to get ready in the bathroom...please give me a break for a bit..I need to be left alone.." I came out of the bathroom much better than I went in. I never want to be destructive to others with something that is hurting me..I want to be so strong as to deal with it...sort it out...and move forward without leaving an impact on everyone around me. See yourself as a tornado when you are hurting, and try to suck up as few people...as few things as possible...
You always take the sweetest rose, and crush it till the petals fall;
You always break the kindest heart, with a hasty word you can't recall;
So if I broke your heart last night, it's because I love you most of all." (Mills Brothers)
Well, I have reached out to many people regarding why hurting people hurt people and my feedback has been pretty mixed. The above is something I read earlier in the week which I found in Psychology Today and for whatever reason it just resonated with me. I have hurt people before when I was hurting, I have said something I just shouldn't have said due to some internal struggle I was having. Rob can be the first to tell you, I can get pretty snappy when something is bothering me. That is not ok, and it is something I try to avoid, but, I am human...and I mess up.
So, in my feedback some felt the above was a "cop-out" some said, "that makes perfect sense," and others felt it was "not ok." While I cannot interpret everyone else's thoughts on the matter I can tell you mine. It is in my experience that some do indeed tend to hurt others when they are hurting. Yes. That is simple for me to answer, but the question that really has me curious is why? That age old question that never really gets an answer, typically just receives a shoulder shrug...and a walk on...
Why in the world do we hurt the people we love the most when we are hurting? You would think we would want to draw them closer, wouldn't you?? Some personalities do. Rob for instance...when he is hurting, upset, or whatever the case might be...he tends to pull inward closer to this family...I on the other hand...I tend to step away....and try not to say something out of haste. And, if I do say something out of haste I am pretty good about asking for forgiveness until I am blue in the face. Rob can also vouch for that...I HATE when I say things I do not mean. I hate when I let my own little struggle hurt someone else.
I think today I want to talk about being aware. Being aware of when you are struggling...when you are not at your best. I think that comes with much self-awareness and understanding yourself...knowing when you are maxed out and just cannot offer much to anyone else. Learn those things in yourself. I have certainly had to learn my little quarks for when I am just maxed out...I notice that I just get short, easily bothered, and quick to frustration. When we understand these little things about ourselves I think we can better avoid hurting others while we sort out whatever is bothering us. For some it might be staying away from your phone when you are upset. Staying away from a computer...or just staying away from people for a bit. Everything is better for me when I am outside...something about the sunshine and fresh air just wipes away the bother from me for a bit, and after that I can see things a bit more clearly.
Why hurting people hurt people? Maybe it is because they know that, that person will still be there when it is all said and done? Maybe it is because they know that person is capable of forgiveness? I have no idea.
All I know is that we should learn ourselves, and learn to communicate even through our pain. Learn ourselves well enough to say, "I'm hurting, I cannot deal with this right now.." or, "Please just give me some space.." I was proud of myself the other day...it had been a week..a really hard week in fact..I was really struggling with a loss and I had to just say out-loud to everyone, "I need a break...I'm going to get ready in the bathroom...please give me a break for a bit..I need to be left alone.." I came out of the bathroom much better than I went in. I never want to be destructive to others with something that is hurting me..I want to be so strong as to deal with it...sort it out...and move forward without leaving an impact on everyone around me. See yourself as a tornado when you are hurting, and try to suck up as few people...as few things as possible...