Relationships, marriages, partnerships, and companionship all thrive on deposits. We all need validation, and we all need to feel loved. The only way we can have this is from the deposits made into our "emotional bank." I asked a friend of mine who is a Doctor of Psychology why he thinks people have extra-marital affairs, and his response was so dead-on, "I think people have affairs because they need validation." This causes me to wonder...would the affairs of the heart stop if we were all validated? If our emotional bank accounts were flourishing with interest perhaps some would not stray seeking something that their partner is just not giving them.
Ok, NO, I am not trivializing affairs. I think they are wrong, they are sinful, and they are unforgivable. It is not ok to have an affair, and seek what you are not given within your marriage. That is where communication comes into play, to fix what is broken we must communicate our needs, and when our needs are not met or even attempted to be met we need to decide to leave the relationship..or as some do, do not leave the relationship.
Back to our bank accounts. Think about it. If you decided to deposit $500.00 per pay period into a savings account, and upon reviewing your statement you see that the money is not there...would you continue to deduct $500.00 into an account that seems to be empty? NO. You would stop, and you would put your money where it will work for you, back into the original bank account, the one where you can SEE your money growing and working.
We need to remember this same concept when it comes to our relationships. We all need deposits. We all need to be rich in those emotional deposits. Much like with finances things do come up...one month you might not be able to put back $500.00...maybe that month you can only put back $300.00....sometimes you might not be able to give your partner 100%, you might be only able to give 50% or even 25%...but, I think it comes down to communicating why, and striving to give more....
I read a book once that explained it in football terms and gaining yardage.....we want to get more yards...but sometimes we are not able to push as hard as we want, and our partner needs to make up for the yardage we were unable to gain.
Which, leads me to my next point. Acknowledgement...we need it. We need acknowledgement as much as we need those deposits. We need to know that our partner is looking at their statement and seeing growth. Especially when you are unable to give as much as they are. As I said earlier, would you keep depositing into an account that does not seem to be growing? Would you keep giving love when you feel nothing in return, or no sense of acknowledgement?
I believe ALL relationships tend to flourish on this same principal, not just marriages...
Ok, NO, I am not trivializing affairs. I think they are wrong, they are sinful, and they are unforgivable. It is not ok to have an affair, and seek what you are not given within your marriage. That is where communication comes into play, to fix what is broken we must communicate our needs, and when our needs are not met or even attempted to be met we need to decide to leave the relationship..or as some do, do not leave the relationship.
Back to our bank accounts. Think about it. If you decided to deposit $500.00 per pay period into a savings account, and upon reviewing your statement you see that the money is not there...would you continue to deduct $500.00 into an account that seems to be empty? NO. You would stop, and you would put your money where it will work for you, back into the original bank account, the one where you can SEE your money growing and working.
We need to remember this same concept when it comes to our relationships. We all need deposits. We all need to be rich in those emotional deposits. Much like with finances things do come up...one month you might not be able to put back $500.00...maybe that month you can only put back $300.00....sometimes you might not be able to give your partner 100%, you might be only able to give 50% or even 25%...but, I think it comes down to communicating why, and striving to give more....
I read a book once that explained it in football terms and gaining yardage.....we want to get more yards...but sometimes we are not able to push as hard as we want, and our partner needs to make up for the yardage we were unable to gain.
Which, leads me to my next point. Acknowledgement...we need it. We need acknowledgement as much as we need those deposits. We need to know that our partner is looking at their statement and seeing growth. Especially when you are unable to give as much as they are. As I said earlier, would you keep depositing into an account that does not seem to be growing? Would you keep giving love when you feel nothing in return, or no sense of acknowledgement?
I believe ALL relationships tend to flourish on this same principal, not just marriages...