Today was a wonderfully busy day spent with wonderful people, but, coming home...I was just glad to be home. My home, my little place in this world is my haven. I have never felt that way until Rob& I joined lives, it seems the world outside of my home can be falling apart and once I step foot on our little plot of land I am safe, untouchable, and I have peace. I walked around my entire house tonight in my bare-feet to just feel the soft grass...to breathe in the fresh air.
I sit here tonight writing to you from the comfort of my porch and it is here that my head is finally clear. Listening to the birds, smelling my freshly cut grass...knowing my children are happy and safe, a certain peace just washes right over me.
My heart is so torn right now, I am being forced to shut a door in my life that I was not and am not happy to shut. Truthfully, I am broken over it. And so I wonder....why, but, for anything in life I dislike I could pose that same question. Why? Why me? Why am I struggling with this? Why? But, in the grand scheme of it all..."why
does not really matter, does it? One day all of the "whys" of the world will never matter...all that will matter is how we dealt with the situation we were in.
So, as I sit here...on my porch with a flood of thoughts I contemplate how to deal with my heartache. Women are such emotional creatures, and I am certainly no exception to that. In fact, I feel as though my heart feels what the "normal" heart feels 110x's more. When I hurt, I really hurt. When I am happy....well, I am REALLY happy. When I love...I REALLY love. Rob told me tonight that I hurt because my heart is so big...I so often wish I could turn this big heart off. God did not install me with an "off" switch. I wish he had...but, God did give me a brain and I feel like God would want me to mourn the closing of my door in a healthy manner.
So, as the days pass...as the grass continues to grow...and as the sun continues to rise each day I will step one foot ahead of the other and I will only get stronger. I will use my heartache for something good....perhaps I will garden more this week...maybe I will write more...perhaps I will hone my energy on myself even a bit and splurge on a pedicure! Who knows. My point tonight is this....I too have heartache in my life. Humans just do...God never promised us a rose garden to trample though all of the time. Furthermore somewhere in all of the hurt that this life might toss you, you must be strong enough to pick yourself up...dust yourself off...and say "ok, I am strong, I can endure this...and, I will come out on the other side stronger." Use the pain's in life for something good. Don't let the pain consume you.
I sit here tonight writing to you from the comfort of my porch and it is here that my head is finally clear. Listening to the birds, smelling my freshly cut grass...knowing my children are happy and safe, a certain peace just washes right over me.
My heart is so torn right now, I am being forced to shut a door in my life that I was not and am not happy to shut. Truthfully, I am broken over it. And so I wonder....why, but, for anything in life I dislike I could pose that same question. Why? Why me? Why am I struggling with this? Why? But, in the grand scheme of it all..."why
does not really matter, does it? One day all of the "whys" of the world will never matter...all that will matter is how we dealt with the situation we were in.
So, as I sit here...on my porch with a flood of thoughts I contemplate how to deal with my heartache. Women are such emotional creatures, and I am certainly no exception to that. In fact, I feel as though my heart feels what the "normal" heart feels 110x's more. When I hurt, I really hurt. When I am happy....well, I am REALLY happy. When I love...I REALLY love. Rob told me tonight that I hurt because my heart is so big...I so often wish I could turn this big heart off. God did not install me with an "off" switch. I wish he had...but, God did give me a brain and I feel like God would want me to mourn the closing of my door in a healthy manner.
So, as the days pass...as the grass continues to grow...and as the sun continues to rise each day I will step one foot ahead of the other and I will only get stronger. I will use my heartache for something good....perhaps I will garden more this week...maybe I will write more...perhaps I will hone my energy on myself even a bit and splurge on a pedicure! Who knows. My point tonight is this....I too have heartache in my life. Humans just do...God never promised us a rose garden to trample though all of the time. Furthermore somewhere in all of the hurt that this life might toss you, you must be strong enough to pick yourself up...dust yourself off...and say "ok, I am strong, I can endure this...and, I will come out on the other side stronger." Use the pain's in life for something good. Don't let the pain consume you.