I am so proud to tell you I have learned a BIG lesson in life. A lesson that has taken me YEARS to learn! You see I really struggle with not taking things personally. I really struggle with "real life bullies!" Ever walked through a divorce? Ugh, I have-I think divorce brings out the absolute worst in your ex-mate, and their "tribe." In my case, the "tribe" was worse than the ex-mate! I still deal with the tribe, and always will to some degree since Mr. Aiden is a part of the mix. I really struggled with the "tribe bully."
You see, this woman was mean, hurtful, vengeful, and just, well, horrible. I would go home and cry my eyes out after dealing with her...I would think for hours of what I should have said. I lost too much sleep over this terrible woman.
I am not sure what stripped me of my confidence for so many years...maybe it was the divorce, maybe it was other things...I'll never really know...but, I do know that about one year ago my confidence began to rise gradually...I wish I had a little meter to watch the levels get higher and higher. I found out that God had my back 100% in those times of trials, and I also found out that I had a man who loved me deeply, in ways that I deserved to be loved. I learned that I was not alone. So, as my confidence meter began to rise I discovered something I was blind to for 5-6 years...maybe even longer....her problem is not me. I am not the one here at fault. Her problem is with herself. Make note here..you know those people in life who make you feel so small? We all know their type...it hurts doesn't it? It really really hurts. Their struggle is not you. The fight they are picking is not with you, it is a fight within them. A friend gave me a quote that says it oh so well, "There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting is not with you, it is with themselves." THAT SAID IT TO ME! THAT WAS MY TRIBAL BULLY! THIS WAS HER! AND, she was the one unhappy! But, I was also making an error, not with her, but with myself. I GAVE her that. I let her consume my thoughts, I let her rob me of my sleep...I let her strip away my self worth. Was she REALLY worth that? Someone so unhappy, someone so unGod-like...was I really that stupid to let her take those things from me?? I was, for a long time.
But, I can tell you now that I am stronger, happier, I am confident. I have faith that no matter what God really does have my back 100% and that is peaceful. I should toss my worries over to Him, because she is not worth a second thought.
I pray for her, I do. It is hard, but I send up prayers probably weekly that God would soften what is so hard inside of her. This said, I also let her say what she needs to, to me...even if it is not so kind...because I am a strong girl now. She can say her words and I have this amazing shield over me, its God protecting me, and she is the one looking so lost now...not me.
There are those people everywhere in life. Not just in divorce, and I think the struggle dynamics change when there are two women involved. But, there is something so wonderful when you can put your shoulders back and know that, that amazing shield is there to protect you. It might hurt a bit, but something greater than that little pang of hurt is there, and it is God. I am not flawless in this lesson, and I never will be, but I am so proud to tell you that I am 100x's better than I was.
You see, this woman was mean, hurtful, vengeful, and just, well, horrible. I would go home and cry my eyes out after dealing with her...I would think for hours of what I should have said. I lost too much sleep over this terrible woman.
I am not sure what stripped me of my confidence for so many years...maybe it was the divorce, maybe it was other things...I'll never really know...but, I do know that about one year ago my confidence began to rise gradually...I wish I had a little meter to watch the levels get higher and higher. I found out that God had my back 100% in those times of trials, and I also found out that I had a man who loved me deeply, in ways that I deserved to be loved. I learned that I was not alone. So, as my confidence meter began to rise I discovered something I was blind to for 5-6 years...maybe even longer....her problem is not me. I am not the one here at fault. Her problem is with herself. Make note here..you know those people in life who make you feel so small? We all know their type...it hurts doesn't it? It really really hurts. Their struggle is not you. The fight they are picking is not with you, it is a fight within them. A friend gave me a quote that says it oh so well, "There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting is not with you, it is with themselves." THAT SAID IT TO ME! THAT WAS MY TRIBAL BULLY! THIS WAS HER! AND, she was the one unhappy! But, I was also making an error, not with her, but with myself. I GAVE her that. I let her consume my thoughts, I let her rob me of my sleep...I let her strip away my self worth. Was she REALLY worth that? Someone so unhappy, someone so unGod-like...was I really that stupid to let her take those things from me?? I was, for a long time.
But, I can tell you now that I am stronger, happier, I am confident. I have faith that no matter what God really does have my back 100% and that is peaceful. I should toss my worries over to Him, because she is not worth a second thought.
I pray for her, I do. It is hard, but I send up prayers probably weekly that God would soften what is so hard inside of her. This said, I also let her say what she needs to, to me...even if it is not so kind...because I am a strong girl now. She can say her words and I have this amazing shield over me, its God protecting me, and she is the one looking so lost now...not me.
There are those people everywhere in life. Not just in divorce, and I think the struggle dynamics change when there are two women involved. But, there is something so wonderful when you can put your shoulders back and know that, that amazing shield is there to protect you. It might hurt a bit, but something greater than that little pang of hurt is there, and it is God. I am not flawless in this lesson, and I never will be, but I am so proud to tell you that I am 100x's better than I was.