I so love these pictures of my mom. THIS was her, in her element. The man in the picture was a hospice patient of hers...his dying wish was to come see her water garden and flowers. So, with her big heart...she got him out...and made that wish come true for him. Knowing this man would die in the days to follow...knowing his days would soon end...look at her face. See her smile...see how her heart just beamed through her eyes? In all of the sadness and pain that circled this man she was right there smiling. THAT is faith, which I rest my head at night knowing she had. She knew it wouldn't be easy on anyone once his last breath was taken...but beside him...arms around him...she pressed on with a smile, and she was happy to do so.
To tell you the honest truth, I'm terrified of the week that is coming. Mother's Day is Sunday, and my birthday is the following Friday....something happens to Mother's Day when your mother is no longer on this earth to give a card to...to say "love you..." Mother's Day hurts. Something happens to your birthday when the woman who gave you life isn't here to tell you she loves you.
I keep these pictures of my mom in my top drawer...where each day I see them. I see her smile. I see her in her element, even when it wasn't easy...I see her smile and glow. You cannot tell me that isn't a God thing, because with my entire being I believe it was for her. I'd really rather hop into my nice cozy bed and sleep Sunday-Friday...pretend those days just do not exist. These images of her give me great guidance...those days will hurt...they will be painful...but, these images tell me to do as she had done in these pictures. Find happiness...and maintain my joy...even when it pains me deeply.
I cannot let my life end, because hers did.
Mom,
I miss you. I know I say it so often...under my breath...out-loud...sometimes I cry it in the shower when no one is around. I miss your voice so much. I miss the way you would say "Kimberly...". I miss talking to you and hearing your opinion.
Mom...I don't know if you know this...I don't know if you can see me...I don't know what you are doing...but, here on earth...Sunday is Mother's Day...what am I supposed to do without you? I will celebrate the day with my family...Aiden and Natalie are so wonderful...and I am their mother...but, you were mine.
Mom...I don't know if you can hear me when I talk to you...but I do it often...some days more than others. When my wind-chime dances in the breeze I always stop...and in my heart it is you saying "hello"...maybe that isn't realistic...but, it gives me a bit of comfort right now.
Mom...my birthday is in about a week. What do you remember of that day? I remember you said I wasn't planned...I wasn't supposed to happen...I remember you telling me I tested you in so many ways...I'll be 29 years old, too young to be without you.
Mom...there is so much I want to tell you, and I bargain with God all too often still to give me just a moment to talk to you...just a moment to hear your voice. I have so much I need your guidance on...and your advice.
I'm going to Africa in December...you were the first person I wanted to tell and the only person I could not. Mom, God has a plan for this mission...and I'm 100% ready to be a tool for Him to use...I can hear in my mind exactly what you would say, "oh, Kimberly....". I wish you were here to talk to about all of this. I guess in my own little way I'm taking you with me in my heart.
I wish you could come back for Mother's Day...just one day...but then I know I'd beg for a day more even after that. I too know, you wouldn't come back if even given the choice.
I love you Mom...I'll keep going...and I'll do it with a joyful heart. At times that is so hard...but, it's exactly what God wants me to do.
Happy Mother's Day Mama...you are still my Mom...always and forever. I can remember you reading to me "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always...as long as I'm living your Mommy I'll be..."...you are not living anymore Mom...but you are still in my heart...you'll always be my Mom.
To tell you the honest truth, I'm terrified of the week that is coming. Mother's Day is Sunday, and my birthday is the following Friday....something happens to Mother's Day when your mother is no longer on this earth to give a card to...to say "love you..." Mother's Day hurts. Something happens to your birthday when the woman who gave you life isn't here to tell you she loves you.
I keep these pictures of my mom in my top drawer...where each day I see them. I see her smile. I see her in her element, even when it wasn't easy...I see her smile and glow. You cannot tell me that isn't a God thing, because with my entire being I believe it was for her. I'd really rather hop into my nice cozy bed and sleep Sunday-Friday...pretend those days just do not exist. These images of her give me great guidance...those days will hurt...they will be painful...but, these images tell me to do as she had done in these pictures. Find happiness...and maintain my joy...even when it pains me deeply.
I cannot let my life end, because hers did.
Mom,
I miss you. I know I say it so often...under my breath...out-loud...sometimes I cry it in the shower when no one is around. I miss your voice so much. I miss the way you would say "Kimberly...". I miss talking to you and hearing your opinion.
Mom...I don't know if you know this...I don't know if you can see me...I don't know what you are doing...but, here on earth...Sunday is Mother's Day...what am I supposed to do without you? I will celebrate the day with my family...Aiden and Natalie are so wonderful...and I am their mother...but, you were mine.
Mom...I don't know if you can hear me when I talk to you...but I do it often...some days more than others. When my wind-chime dances in the breeze I always stop...and in my heart it is you saying "hello"...maybe that isn't realistic...but, it gives me a bit of comfort right now.
Mom...my birthday is in about a week. What do you remember of that day? I remember you said I wasn't planned...I wasn't supposed to happen...I remember you telling me I tested you in so many ways...I'll be 29 years old, too young to be without you.
Mom...there is so much I want to tell you, and I bargain with God all too often still to give me just a moment to talk to you...just a moment to hear your voice. I have so much I need your guidance on...and your advice.
I'm going to Africa in December...you were the first person I wanted to tell and the only person I could not. Mom, God has a plan for this mission...and I'm 100% ready to be a tool for Him to use...I can hear in my mind exactly what you would say, "oh, Kimberly....". I wish you were here to talk to about all of this. I guess in my own little way I'm taking you with me in my heart.
I wish you could come back for Mother's Day...just one day...but then I know I'd beg for a day more even after that. I too know, you wouldn't come back if even given the choice.
I love you Mom...I'll keep going...and I'll do it with a joyful heart. At times that is so hard...but, it's exactly what God wants me to do.
Happy Mother's Day Mama...you are still my Mom...always and forever. I can remember you reading to me "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always...as long as I'm living your Mommy I'll be..."...you are not living anymore Mom...but you are still in my heart...you'll always be my Mom.