I wish my Mom were here to talk to...I mean REALLY talk to. I wish she were here to go Christmas shopping with me, to help me with my volunteer obligations, to guide me in my Christmas decorating. I just wish she were here. It was 5 months yesterday that she left us and it seems so raw still...I feel like she was one person I could tell my deepest feelings to and she got it.
I've been scared to even look at poinsettia's because they were her favorite, and this morning while I was busy sewing beards for the Christmas program I decided I needed to go to the cemetery this weekend and drop off some Christmas flowers for her. I know she isn't there, but, I feel a certain obligation to take her flowers...she loved flowers.
I guess if I had it my way this house would be filled with the beautiful red flower in remembrance of her. I often catch myself thinking about what she's doing in Paradise....if she's gardening...if she's talking to Jesus...if she can see me...and if she's proud.
I had texted my Mother-in-law this morning and told her that when my time came that God and I had much to discuss...and we do! I have so many questions about the why's of this life, and I know that someday it'll all make sense...right now all I know to do is stay in the light of the Lord and keep going forward.
In every poinsettia I see, I think of her...I feel a little pang in my heart...but, I know that she can somehow sense I'm thinking of her....that gives me a bit of peace. I have my special red birdhouse on my tree and that's my special ornament to remember her by this Christmas.
I am getting stronger in so many ways...and this loss has taught me more about myself that you can even truly imagine...but, God is using this to make me so much stronger in so many ways in this life.
I've been scared to even look at poinsettia's because they were her favorite, and this morning while I was busy sewing beards for the Christmas program I decided I needed to go to the cemetery this weekend and drop off some Christmas flowers for her. I know she isn't there, but, I feel a certain obligation to take her flowers...she loved flowers.
I guess if I had it my way this house would be filled with the beautiful red flower in remembrance of her. I often catch myself thinking about what she's doing in Paradise....if she's gardening...if she's talking to Jesus...if she can see me...and if she's proud.
I had texted my Mother-in-law this morning and told her that when my time came that God and I had much to discuss...and we do! I have so many questions about the why's of this life, and I know that someday it'll all make sense...right now all I know to do is stay in the light of the Lord and keep going forward.
In every poinsettia I see, I think of her...I feel a little pang in my heart...but, I know that she can somehow sense I'm thinking of her....that gives me a bit of peace. I have my special red birdhouse on my tree and that's my special ornament to remember her by this Christmas.
I am getting stronger in so many ways...and this loss has taught me more about myself that you can even truly imagine...but, God is using this to make me so much stronger in so many ways in this life.