Will Aiden adapt to Rob once we are married? Will they love one another? Will Aiden love Natalie? Gosh, will I have enough love for TWO children??? What if it's a boy?? Will Aiden struggle with this? Does Rob have enough love for ALL of us?? DO I HAVE ENOUGH LOVE AND PATIENCE FOR ALL OF US?
These were all questions I asked myself this past year.....and, that was only THIS YEAR. I have asked myself these sorts of questions over and over...countless times...the worry of a growing family...the changes, and adjustments...and the eventual surrender to God....my Heavenly Father...
God is pretty neat, I don't care who you are and what you believe in....if you are a Christian or not....the facts are that he is pretty neat. He is capable of miracles, and I have seen so very many in my family alone from a very young age. I can remember seeing my Grandfather live through things he should have never even been able to blink after...my list is really endless in the miracles I feel I have witnessed...and thinking today about how blessed my family is made me really think....
Once I discovered I was pregnant with Natalie I was a basket case...from the outside I might have seemed to have it all together, but inside I was a mess. So many questions, so many concerns, so many worries, so many changes. I truly felt that my pregnancy could not have come at a worse time. It was Rob that kept me “in check,” so to speak...he was very confident, ready, and certain things would be OK...and that was such a relief to me.
I did not want my daughter.....I did not plan to have her...I was just happy with my little Aiden. I had/ and have so much love for that little boy I could not fathom having enough love for another child. I was worried up until the moment Natalie was born that I would not love her. It was my very diligent prayer that God please please please stock my heart up with enough love for a daughter. Please teach me to be the mother, the female figure these children need...give me patience for both of my children, and enough for my husband too...these were all my cries to God night after night...day after day...and in the days before Natalie was born....it was my prayer almost every other moment. It is hard to spit that all out to you now after knowing how much I love Natalie. The moment she was born I loved her just the right amount, and after 5 months I have not struggled one moment with having enough love for my family. I prayed so hard for God to bring me close to my daughter, build a special bond between us. I can comically look back now, because God did just that AND MORE.
I attempted to leave Natalie today, for the first time in the church nursery. Please note, outside of being left with her Daddy, Natalie has been with me each day, and each moment. I told Rob on the way home that I really need to watch what I pray for, God has built a truly inseparable bond between Miss Natalie and myself.
Our family is not perfect....we are so far from it....I am not a perfect wife or mother. My children are not perfect children. My husband, he is not even perfect. BUT each member of this family IS PERFECT FOR THIS FAMILY. God orchestrates who goes where. It was no surprise to God that I became pregnant with our little Natalie, he knew so well before that it would happen...God chose Natalie for this family...just like he chose me to become Rob's wife, he chose Aiden to be my son, and he chose Rob to be Aiden's step-father. God blessed us with the perfect kids for this family. God knew exactly who I needed to love, and he shows me each day how to love them. He has proven to me that if I stay in his light, and diligent in my prayer he gives me plenty to give my family...and sometimes much more.
But, it is not always easy. It was not always easy throwing up my hands and saying, “OK God, I am pregnant with a little daughter.....take over and please give me enough love...lead, and guide me..” those prayers were not always the simplest to say, and the hardest part was trusting that God would in fact deliver my needs. But, he did. So, again, my family is not perfect, BUT it is perfect for ME.
God has a very brilliant way of blessing us with the people we need. I needed my daughter, my son, and my husband. My family is complete, and God knew that was exactly what I needed...
These were all questions I asked myself this past year.....and, that was only THIS YEAR. I have asked myself these sorts of questions over and over...countless times...the worry of a growing family...the changes, and adjustments...and the eventual surrender to God....my Heavenly Father...
God is pretty neat, I don't care who you are and what you believe in....if you are a Christian or not....the facts are that he is pretty neat. He is capable of miracles, and I have seen so very many in my family alone from a very young age. I can remember seeing my Grandfather live through things he should have never even been able to blink after...my list is really endless in the miracles I feel I have witnessed...and thinking today about how blessed my family is made me really think....
Once I discovered I was pregnant with Natalie I was a basket case...from the outside I might have seemed to have it all together, but inside I was a mess. So many questions, so many concerns, so many worries, so many changes. I truly felt that my pregnancy could not have come at a worse time. It was Rob that kept me “in check,” so to speak...he was very confident, ready, and certain things would be OK...and that was such a relief to me.
I did not want my daughter.....I did not plan to have her...I was just happy with my little Aiden. I had/ and have so much love for that little boy I could not fathom having enough love for another child. I was worried up until the moment Natalie was born that I would not love her. It was my very diligent prayer that God please please please stock my heart up with enough love for a daughter. Please teach me to be the mother, the female figure these children need...give me patience for both of my children, and enough for my husband too...these were all my cries to God night after night...day after day...and in the days before Natalie was born....it was my prayer almost every other moment. It is hard to spit that all out to you now after knowing how much I love Natalie. The moment she was born I loved her just the right amount, and after 5 months I have not struggled one moment with having enough love for my family. I prayed so hard for God to bring me close to my daughter, build a special bond between us. I can comically look back now, because God did just that AND MORE.
I attempted to leave Natalie today, for the first time in the church nursery. Please note, outside of being left with her Daddy, Natalie has been with me each day, and each moment. I told Rob on the way home that I really need to watch what I pray for, God has built a truly inseparable bond between Miss Natalie and myself.
Our family is not perfect....we are so far from it....I am not a perfect wife or mother. My children are not perfect children. My husband, he is not even perfect. BUT each member of this family IS PERFECT FOR THIS FAMILY. God orchestrates who goes where. It was no surprise to God that I became pregnant with our little Natalie, he knew so well before that it would happen...God chose Natalie for this family...just like he chose me to become Rob's wife, he chose Aiden to be my son, and he chose Rob to be Aiden's step-father. God blessed us with the perfect kids for this family. God knew exactly who I needed to love, and he shows me each day how to love them. He has proven to me that if I stay in his light, and diligent in my prayer he gives me plenty to give my family...and sometimes much more.
But, it is not always easy. It was not always easy throwing up my hands and saying, “OK God, I am pregnant with a little daughter.....take over and please give me enough love...lead, and guide me..” those prayers were not always the simplest to say, and the hardest part was trusting that God would in fact deliver my needs. But, he did. So, again, my family is not perfect, BUT it is perfect for ME.
God has a very brilliant way of blessing us with the people we need. I needed my daughter, my son, and my husband. My family is complete, and God knew that was exactly what I needed...