Mother often knew best...didn't she?
"Kimberly...go take a hot shower and just rinse the day off..." My Mama would say to me after a rough day...and ya know what? I ALWAYS slept better thinking that terrible day just washed right down the drain. "Kimberly...wipe your face...get a cold washcloth and wipe those tears away..." she would tell me after a healthy dose of crying...and wiping those tears always felt so very good. "Kimberly you really need sleep...you are so tired..." she would say if I stayed up too late trying to study...or work on a project...10 times outa 10...sleep was better for me than anything.
I miss that. I'm almost 29 years old and the thing I crave so often are those little slices of her advice...her motherly advice.
My Mother and I are so alike it's almost unreal...and today (along with every other day) was evidence of that to me. My Mother found her zen outside...playing in the dirt...gardening...making something out of the earth below us. Growing up I would scowl at the thought of going outside to pull weeds...pick up rocks...mow the lawn...plant flowers...um...unless it had my friends attached to it...or a phone attached to it...I just wasn't happy with it. Gosh how I wish for those times back that I could just go outside and play in the dirt with my Mama.
After church Natalie was outside with us...I had several plants I needed to get into the ground and that little Miss was not shy to dip her little hands in the mud...water...roots...and Miracle Grow. Had I not had so many flowers to get into the ground I truly believe I could have sat right there and cried my eyes out. I watched as my little Natalie plopped herself down atop the vinca vines I had just put into the ground...and my heart smiled...my eyes welled up with tears...and the emotions that flooded me just hurt. I felt so much of my Mom in me right in that moment. My Mom was so happy when I would come outside and talk to her while she was out working...she loved when I would pull weeds...(which was rare)...and our absolute best conversations were either in the kitchen, outside looking at the gardens...or sitting by the water garden.
In those little moments my little muddy Miss was happily perched atop those vines I felt the joy my Mom felt when I would garden with her. I love being outside...I love planting...gardening...the sun...the breeze...outside is just for me. Rob would even tell you...I'm the most excited when it's time to mow! I love to mow...I find joy doing the things my Mom loved to do.
I miss her...so much...I miss her. The days are getting warmer...and that painful one year mark is nearing...and although they say time will make it better...I couldn't disagree more...these coming months are painful...more painful than the past months. Anyone who is going to be real with you about grief will tell you...the 12 month mark hurts just as much as the day she died.
But...in all of my pain...in all of my heartache, sadness, and the ache of missing her...in all of that...a small part of her lives on in me. I never want to forget my Mama...never...it's a fear of mine that I might forget her, her voice, her smell...her hands...her everything...but, there is peace knowing I am so much like her.
One of the very last things my Mom said to me... "Kimberly, your flowers sure do look pretty."
Mama...I prayed over those stinkin' flowers today...I hope they grow as well as they did last year!! I love you.
"Kimberly...go take a hot shower and just rinse the day off..." My Mama would say to me after a rough day...and ya know what? I ALWAYS slept better thinking that terrible day just washed right down the drain. "Kimberly...wipe your face...get a cold washcloth and wipe those tears away..." she would tell me after a healthy dose of crying...and wiping those tears always felt so very good. "Kimberly you really need sleep...you are so tired..." she would say if I stayed up too late trying to study...or work on a project...10 times outa 10...sleep was better for me than anything.
I miss that. I'm almost 29 years old and the thing I crave so often are those little slices of her advice...her motherly advice.
My Mother and I are so alike it's almost unreal...and today (along with every other day) was evidence of that to me. My Mother found her zen outside...playing in the dirt...gardening...making something out of the earth below us. Growing up I would scowl at the thought of going outside to pull weeds...pick up rocks...mow the lawn...plant flowers...um...unless it had my friends attached to it...or a phone attached to it...I just wasn't happy with it. Gosh how I wish for those times back that I could just go outside and play in the dirt with my Mama.
After church Natalie was outside with us...I had several plants I needed to get into the ground and that little Miss was not shy to dip her little hands in the mud...water...roots...and Miracle Grow. Had I not had so many flowers to get into the ground I truly believe I could have sat right there and cried my eyes out. I watched as my little Natalie plopped herself down atop the vinca vines I had just put into the ground...and my heart smiled...my eyes welled up with tears...and the emotions that flooded me just hurt. I felt so much of my Mom in me right in that moment. My Mom was so happy when I would come outside and talk to her while she was out working...she loved when I would pull weeds...(which was rare)...and our absolute best conversations were either in the kitchen, outside looking at the gardens...or sitting by the water garden.
In those little moments my little muddy Miss was happily perched atop those vines I felt the joy my Mom felt when I would garden with her. I love being outside...I love planting...gardening...the sun...the breeze...outside is just for me. Rob would even tell you...I'm the most excited when it's time to mow! I love to mow...I find joy doing the things my Mom loved to do.
I miss her...so much...I miss her. The days are getting warmer...and that painful one year mark is nearing...and although they say time will make it better...I couldn't disagree more...these coming months are painful...more painful than the past months. Anyone who is going to be real with you about grief will tell you...the 12 month mark hurts just as much as the day she died.
But...in all of my pain...in all of my heartache, sadness, and the ache of missing her...in all of that...a small part of her lives on in me. I never want to forget my Mama...never...it's a fear of mine that I might forget her, her voice, her smell...her hands...her everything...but, there is peace knowing I am so much like her.
One of the very last things my Mom said to me... "Kimberly, your flowers sure do look pretty."
Mama...I prayed over those stinkin' flowers today...I hope they grow as well as they did last year!! I love you.